Focusing on Weight Loss, Health and Nutrition from the Wasteland of Post-Katrina New Orleans, home of some of the best, unhealthiest food on the planet.
Tuesday, February 6, 2007
The More Things Change...
The more they stay the same.
Or at least that's how I felt this morning. I've been cleaning up my mess of an office, which after many years has become a rat's nest that even Hurricane Katrina couldn't have dislodged.
Far underneath my desk, I found a journal. I've always liked the idea of journaling, but I usually can't sustain it--after a few weeks or months, I abandon it and it ends up being thrown out or, well, lodged underneath my desk for four or five years.
But it was interesting this morning as I read my entries from late August to early October, 2002. I was doing Atkins, and my weight was exactly then as it is today. I was being derailed by social obligations, stress, impending hurricanes (in this case, Isidore and Lili), and lack of commitment. Mostly, I think, lack of commitment. That was October 4. Skip to the next entry, Oct. 28, and instead of my weight I wrote: "Off Wagon." Also that I was "drained from a combination of carbs, stress and fatigue." I had eaten two McDonald's sausage and biscuits for breakfast! Egads!
After a couple of whiny days, I come across the next entry, dated July 15, 2004--almost two years later. I was dieting again. This time my weight was 60 pounds MORE than it had been in the previous entry and was a massive girth I would manage to maintain for another two years. It was the 60 pounds it has taken me since last July to lose again.
Is it different this time? I keep thinking yes. For one thing, I've stuck with it longer. For another, when I was frantically doing the Kimkins plan and trying to lose 80 pounds before my big business conference in March, I was putting a lot of pressure on myself to "perform." Once I realized that goal wasn't going to be attainable at the rate I am able to lose weight, I didn't quit. I just let myself off the hook a little. I'm trying to focus on losing weight as I lose it and not trying to project where I could be in six months if I just lose x number of pounds--that has always been a recipe for disaster for me and my "all or nothing" mentality. My only goal right now is to stay on plan. Period. I lose what I lose however fast I lose it.
What will my journal entry look like in another two years? Hopefully not the same-old -same-old.