Wednesday, March 21, 2007

And Speaking of Speaking

Cindy's comment on the last post (thanks, Cindy!) was so on target for me. I hate hate hate speaking in front of a group. I'd rather have teeth pulled. I'd rather have teeth pulled without anesthesia. I'd rather re-enact Dustin Hoffman's dental scene from "Marathon Man." I'd rather...well, you get the idea.

The only thing keeping me from freaking out about the public speaking on my upcoming trip is my dread of the airplane flight to Chicago. As soon as that plane lands, baby, I'm all over that nervous breakdown.

Seriously, though, it made me start thinking about why-oh-why I keep accepting "invitations" to do things like this speaking engagement/conference planning thing. It always sounds like fun at the time but, even when I accept, I know it's going to be sheer misery when the time arrives.

Could it be I have a problem saying no? Well, yes.

I recognize this problem in myself. I guess I am pathetically anxious to please. People might not like me if I say no. Is it because, as someone with a lifelong weight problem, I always felt I had to try harder and be more accommodating in order to be accepted? Or am I just a weak-willed wuss?

Probably a little of both. And some of that leftover Puritanical "I should do things that are good for me even if they're unpleasant" karma. I'm a lot better at saying no than I used to be, believe it or not. By the time I'm 80 I should have it nailed.

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